Through the Eyes of my Heart

My name, what does it matter? I do not deserve to have a name. My life has been nothing but hardship. What is wrong with challenge you may ask? Everything, especially if it is not your own. I have caused burden on everyone that has entered my life. Here is my story in hopes no one else will go through what I have. In hopes, my pain may be resolved.

            I came into this world unlike you or anyone else you might know. I was not born. I have no parents. This may seem unusual but I am not an average person. My entrance to Earth was through reincarnation. A process that brings a past person to live again through a different body. I had all the memories of the being I was to resemble. All their joys and all their secrets. I awoke alone, unable to speak and knowing nothing except I had to find someone. I did not know who nor where, but that I must reach this being. My travels were long, or at least seemed that way. Finally, I found the door. Unfortunately, it was too much and I fainted.

            Soon after my awakening, I found a place full of books, a library of vast proportions. It was here I found words to speak and things to learn. It was here my life truly began.

            The person I had been seeking, I discover later, was my guardian, Jatae. He was waiting for my arrival in order to guide me on my path as a reincarnation. With the help of him and my other mentor, Emar, I revised the craft I was to remember. Magic you might call it, spell craft of high magnitude. It was the only thing I had forgotten. If only I had forgotten something else instead.

            My former self had family, an older sister and younger brother. They were the clearest memories in my mind. However, they had not been reborn as I had. At least, that is what I thought. This was hard to realize at first, but in time I adapted to this situation.

            As time went onwards, as it must, I grew stronger in my studies and practices. Soon my power was at the strength I has been reaching for. It was time to step into my role as a sorcerer. I was to test the captor of the cards. My plan went as I had envisioned, I enrolled in their school, became a friend and helped the captor to transform the cards as I was supposed to. Nevertheless, something went wrong. The captor discovered me far before they were destined to. What was worse they were angry for my trials even after I explained. A battle ensued between us. I had almost disabled her when she suddenly gained immeasurable powers from an unknown source. Her goal now was to destroy me. A sudden vengeance overcame my reason and I retaliated with such a force no descendant could hope to triumph against. She perished. My hands became stained with blood of an innocent life. Yet, I did not feel sorry for my actions. Thus began my shame.

            From an influence best not described, I walked a path of death. By my hand, staff or command I sought and took the lives of many, all young and innocent. My heart grew cold and lifeless yet I was neither dead nor soulless. It was as if my conscience had evaporated suddenly. There was no reason behind the attacks, simple blood lust.

            Perhaps there is a better reason for my change in attitude. On my first night restored, I had terrible nightmares. Ones that preyed on my darkest fears. This was not the first night. Each time I slept, they would come to torment me. No spell or potion I tried would help. In one particular dream, someone visited me. It was not a figment of my mind, as most dream characters are, but a real person projected into my head. She called herself the Master of the Deep. Sadly, I did not realize her true identity until much later, but that is not until later. She offered to rid me of my turmoil and all I had to do in return was nothing. I was suspicious but the fear I was facing was greater. I agreed. The nightmare abruptly stopped and the Master of the Deep vanished with it. I never saw her again.

            As I ended life after life, the darkness within my heart grew. I began to feel nothing. No pain, no regret and no happiness. This did not affect the suffering I caused. My mind began to be consumed with hatred. It focused on my family, rather my former lifes family. I was angry at them for not coming with me. For not being there to help me when the nightmares haunted my sleep. For leaving me without a family. I was consumed with this rage like paper caught in flame. It was a good thing Clow and Katrianna had not been reincarnated. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

            One night in December, I received a message from Master of the Deep. She told me Clow was reborn and had been for several years. He was under the name of Eli Moon in a town called Reedington. I was furious. As soon as possible, I transported my home there, a plan of revenge fresh in mind. To keep this story short, I put Eli through anguish no one should have to go through. In the end, he killed me.

            As I said before, I am no ordinary person. My life was renewed through magic. I was restored with conscience, no longer empty. Eli offered me a new beginning, one with family. Thanks to him what could have been disaster, became a miracle. I now spend most of my time with him, in recreation and in matters that are more serious. I give thanks to the hand that crossed our paths.

            There is one great shameful burden I still bear with myself and I fear I shall forever. When I succumbed to blood lust and hatred, I enjoyed it. Even now I believe, under the right conditions, I will submit myself to evil once again. I pray that day does not arrive.

            As I look back, my heart fills with both joy and sorrow. No one but master and me knows of my shadow deeds. Perhaps Eli will know someday. Someday when the sun shines brighter than the dead of night. Someday, when I no longer feel afraid. Someday.

            My name is Nick Solaris, reincarnation of Tian Reed. My journey has been long. It has been filled with hardship. It has brought suffering to others. My name is Nick, I am a sorcerer and my journey has only begun.